'Close doors buttons in elevators are placebos': 20+ Hilarious low-stakes conspiracies that entertain and provoke

JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor

Mar 2, 2024 4:00 PM EST

Conspiracy theories have deservedly gotten a bad rap. They shine, though, not when they're about anything earth-shattering, but when they're so stupid that they just might be true. Here's one that I would think about in college: I was convinced that the coffee at one of the dining halls was secretly decaf. I would drink cups and cups of it and not feel a thing. Neither did any of my friends. They didn't market it as decaf, but I'm convinced that it was. See? In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter at all. But it's so stupid and low-stakes that you might just believe me. A conspiracy theory at its best.

Below is a collection of more of these small-time stoner thoughts, and they're a lot funnier than mine. So put on your tinfoil dunce hat, do some scrolling, and let strangers on the internet convince you of things that don't matter.